Sorry, no slappers allowed !!! - 2004-11-20 05:11:50
I was simply phoning up Marcus Troy,MD of the main sponsors for next years Jersey festival to confirm that the Karaoke and adult comedian for next years finals night had been confimed. This was confirmed during the call, but for some reason and I didn't twig at the time, when Marcus also confirmed that the comedian would be joined by two young ladies ....!

It was only when the call ended that I thought " hello two young ladies ? " My fears were confirmed when I imediately rung him back. Bearing in mind how many women have already booked up for the event I thought, still do, that having strippers was just not on. The thought of two old boilers, sticking half the local convenience store up their " jack & Dannies ", whilst simaltaneously giving blow jobs to a couple of sad snake bite drinking lads from Grimbsy or some other such glamerous northern citadel of fun is quite repugnant. Twenty years ago on a drunken stag do, it would have, perhaps been mildly entertaining, but now days, I just find it sad. The thought of those same northern lads,complete with white socks, black leatherette shoes from "shoes r us " and a snide fruit of the loom T shirt, playing their own version of musical chairs just to ensure a good camera angle at the front of the stage is pathetic - especially as they would all be there three hours before the old boilers take to the stage !!!!!!!! Not only that though, worse, the old slappers might get moisturiser on the tables !!. So I am afraid Dirty Lil from Stamford Hill and Busty Daisy from Paisley will have to re-book their night at the Dog and shag it ! Apologies if this disappoints some of you coming !, but in all seriousness, I am just not having it. I apologise to some of you neandrathals who would mark it down as the highlight of your year, but you really will have to get a life ! It's not all bad news though, the comedian is apparently dirty as shit, and you can all give him as much stick as you want, but be warned... If you are coloured, of ethnic origin, have alternative sexual habits,Irish, Scottish, Welsh, cuddly( like me ), fat like my mate O'Kane ( sorry Paddy, but you do need a diet son ! )just fucking ugly, or worse wear white socks,he will give it to you big time, so make sure you sit up the back and be quiet. On a finishing note though,because the size of some of these girls' " national Hunts " are so huge, they could probably make any undesirable individual disappear, for ever - never to be seen again. That gets my imagination working overtime,has anyone got any suggestions, who should suffer such a fate ? Or for the two lads from Grimbsy - enjoy such an experience ! Maybe I should re book them after all !!